The weird thing is that I actually do like vegetables - I'm just super lazy. So of course I'd rather eat a veggie curry or something, but who the fuck has time to make a veggie curry every day? Same for any type of cauliflower mash, kale chips, stir fry, whatever. Delicious to eat, but all these things take more than 3 minutes to make, so fuck that noise. It's not dinner time, it's the middle of the goddamn day and I need some fucking vegetables right fucking now.
I also hate exercise. UGH, I GODDAMN SHITBALLS FUCKING HATE EXERCISE. But here's the thing: I struggle with anxiety and depression and you know what they say.
So for the sake of Stephen, I embark on 30 minutes of exercise every day. It takes a whole month for something to become a habit, so if I can keep this up for 30 days in a row, I should basically be able to consider it part of my lifestyle, and no longer a project. Other benefits from exercise apparently include the ability to not be out of breath after climbing one flight of stairs, being able to sleep for a full 8 hours every night and being able to eat bacon without fear that every bite is clogging the fuck out of my arteries.
Oh, I'm not cutting anything OUT, in terms of this healthy-eating thing. I'm still drinking like 60 ounces of coffee every day and lying on my couch binge-watching episodes of Roseanne with a cat on my lap (or a bowl of Cheetos, same thing). I'm just also exercising and eating my veggies and drinking my water. I figure if I can do those three things, then I can also eat and do whatever the fuck I want. I'm not trying to get rid of my bodacious booty, I'm just trying not to die of a heart attack next year.
That's another thing about making healthier choices. Every time you put a fucking carrot stick in your mouth, some asshole is always like, "Great job! Here's a tip for losing weight that worked for my cousin!" Not every woman out there subscribes to this ridiculous idea that we should live our lives thirty pounds underweight. NAH. This flab under my upper arms? THOSE ARE MY WINGS, MOTHERFUCKER, MIND YO BIDNESS.
Today was Day 2 of 30 minutes of exercise every day. I'm doing Zumba for beginners, and so far the only thing I've learned is that I am uncoordinated as fuck. I grudgingly admit that it's kind of fun and when the instructor is all, "Put some flava into that box step!", it's highly entertaining. The irony of some white woman teaching me how to dance is not lost on me. What can I say? She knows how to pop-step.
